December 28-29, 2007

Saturday and I am off and running with no time to pause. I must get in my usual workout, clean and get to the mission by 6 am, and then from there I am off to get the hair done. I debated riding but the weather was not looking good, they were saying snow, and though in my neighborhood everything looked just peachy I wasn’t sure about near my hairdresser which is up on a high hill, so drive it was. It seemed most of this week was spent driving as the weather was iffy at best, with snow mixed in with the rain on the higher hills, which included the area near and around my office, so though close to home would have been fine, any where else was scary.

We fed about 260 people on Saturday in an hour and one half, we didn’t have the best to offer, oatmeal and donuts and fruit, but it is better then nothing. I worked with one I was familiar with and a new gentleman. The new man had a very hard time getting the hang of things but soon enough was in the flow keeping us on track. The lead chef was my buddy who rides; so I had brought the cd’s of Alton Brown for his enjoyment. I truly enjoyed the first series, the second series though fun was not nearly as entertaining nor did he eat as much scary stuff.

Off to get my hair done I was stunned to learn my hairdresser was very good friends with the family that had been killed Christmas Eve in Carnation. It was so sad to realize it had hit so close to home, and she explained they had been spending hours on the phone with other family members, bringing food and love.

As soon as I was finished I was once again out the door trying to fit in my walk. It is so hard for me right now without my runs not to become completely bummed out, I miss spending time each morning outside in the fresh air with the wildlife, so I walk as much as I can every free chance I get. Over 3 hours later and I was home again to finish up some chores and off to bed to start all over again tomorrow.

I wake on Sunday with my mind just being a busy body. First to try to get in a good workout, clean the house again, and try to change the oil on the duc, all preferably before 6 am so I can get to a meeting. No such luck, well almost, I finished everything, headed out to the garage and tried with all my might to get the filter off the duc, not even a budge. Ok tried a few more times then I gave up and headed to my meeting.

Meeting done and I know I can’t change the oil so I figure I would go for a ride. It is cold and they were predicting possible snow on and off in the morning so I am once again limited to very close to home, far from any elevation over a couple hundred feet. I manage to do the same route, well close as last week all 85 miles before it was time to fake and bake – a girl must at least keep up appearances even if she can’t afford a vacation. As I rode my thoughts kept wandering to kitty or no kitty; and though my heart desires a new kitty my finances are such right now there is no way. Don’t get me wrong I could definitely afford the kitty litter and food the issue is the vet bills associated with a new kitten. I want to make sure this time if I do get a kitty I can afford whatever care is required; though I do realize it was not my fault that my kitty passed, I had done exactly what I was told 12 years ago when the vet said I only needed to come in again if she got sick, I know now this was not correct and that there are annual exams and such. Perhaps next year.

The ride though relaxing was so cold even 25 minutes on the stationary bike when I got home did not warm me. Eating a little before heading out again to get in a nice long walk hoping that I would be able to avoid any major precipitation or to get too much colder. Right before my walk I thought I might try one more time to change the oil, I know it makes no sense as when something is hot it expands but low and behold I managed to get the filter off! So lucky me I could change the oil without trying to find male assistance! I wander through neighborhood after neighborhood, poking my head finally into the mall to take full advantage of the sales as I needed a new calendar for my house. I was pleased to get the same one I had this year all with new sayings to make me smile every month – this month was “if you keep one eye on yesterday and one eye on tomorrow you will be cockeyed today.”

This week will be just as hectic as last week if not worse with working the mission, double jobs and trying to get the Ninja back –cross your fingers.

December 22-23, 2007

Absolutely no riding on Saturday. I had been riding the duc back and forth to work for weeks, unable to start the Ninja, it was time for me to change the oil on both bikes and try a new battery for the Ninja. I managed to clean, shop and balance the checkbook as well as my usual workout all before 8 am! Gosh I love this time of year, I even got to go shopping at JC Penny which opened at 6 am! The lingerie woman and I spent 15 minutes wondering the floor looking for just what I needed, laughing the whole time; how wonderful to have the entire store to myself! I had but a little time to get to part of my usual meeting before continuing my running around to two motorcycle shops.

Home again I swapped out the battery nothing! Not even a head light or a twitch, ok time to call Eastside to come get her, too bad they are closed for the next 10 days which means another 2 weeks of commuting on the duc not my favorite thing to do, she weighs too much for my commute home when I am tired and worn out after 11-12 hours at work. A well so be it.

As I walk I am in awe of the nature around me, sometimes I just seem to pay a little more attention or something catches my eye more then other times, including the fluorescent purples berries I see on one bush. I suppose today now more then ever I need to pay attention to something else other then my current situation. I have had quite the week at work, the dread of coming home to nothing, and the first Christmas I will be completely alone since I first moved here 14 years ago. The realization hits me like a brick wall, alone completely alone.

I can not expect anyone to actually listen to me but here goes. I have listened to people for weeks complain about upcoming holiday events, managing to get in visits to various family groups and/or visiting family members. All I can say is “shut up!” Yes, you may think that being alone would be heavenly, but let me set you straight, after years of being alone more often then not on holidays from Thanksgiving to Christmas to Birthdays take it from me it is not all that you think it might be; oh sure the first couple of times it is still a novelty and the memories of horrendous arguments, or travels are still fresh, but these soon wane and the reality of being completely alone becomes all encompassing. There is little joy to opening holiday gifts by yourself, eating Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner alone – or even a birthday cake. Ok all that said, please take a few minutes to truly think about your loved ones and how sad it would be to not have them around you, no matter how aggravating they can be at times, they are still there for you and you are not alone, and who knows how much longer they will be around. Take it from one who knows only too well, I would give anything for a little family argument then to spend one more holiday alone. Dang, I would maybe just maybe even be willing to play scrabble with my mom – long story don’t ask.

Sunday, and I ride over to a new meeting place, where I enjoy the company of like minded souls. I forego my long ride today as it just isn’t interesting me to ride in the pouring rain one more day, though I do take a slight 20 mile detour before going home to clean and bake. I am experiencing my nesting phase again, so the house is cleaned once more from top to bottom, though I have come to realize without a kitty there really is nothing to clean. I am shocked to find that I really am a spotless person, and that the dust and such I had to vacuum up twice a week was a cause of the kitty hair and kitty litter, without it the house is even cleaner then I ever thought possible, this is probably the only benefit to not having a kitty, well that and the expense having bought kitty litter and kitty food for 14 years I never really paid much attention, now I find I can actually afford to spend a little more on groceries for me, even fruit and vegetables I could not afford before! Does this mean another kitty is not in my future, I have not decided yet the memory of my love is still too fresh just last night I expected the thud and weight on my legs when I climbed into bed and when it did not come I had to steal myself against the sorrow.

As I wait for the brownies to bake, the house gets cleaner and cleaner. I am not in a very festive mood and debate taking down the few holiday decorations I managed to put up for the first time since moving into my current home. Something holds me back and I leave them up. Soon it is time for me to walk. I managed to avoid too much pain yesterday until the end of my walk, I am hoping today will be the same. The rain is coming down hard and I do not expect it to let up so I don two layers of gortex protection, warm gloves and baggies in my boots. Three hours later and I am very wet, but still warm. I decide to venture into the mall ever so briefly just to see how frantic it is and find instead it is not too bad, interesting there isn’t even a line at the Cheesecake Factory! My leg has started to hurt pretty bad but I still have a least an hour to go so I bite the bullet and start my slow walk home. By the time I get home I am in a lot of pain but I have been able to overcome pain before so I am all good.

Monday and the day before Christmas, I am to work a ½ day but as we all know when I arrive so early that by the time I leave I have put in a hard 6 hours. I make it home in time to walk for just under 3 hours, I am lucky it is not raining and the sun is trying to push through which warms my soul if not my body. I do quickly run through the mall just to see how bad it is and am pleasantly surprised not bad at all. I then decide to splurge on dinner and make my way over to the market. I have a brownie saved for dessert but what to have for dinner? I have not had sushi in so many years I can barely remember the taste but I don’t have time to get to Wholefoods and the offerings at QFC just don’t cut it so instead I give into the other bad for me food I have not had in almost as many years buffalo wings (I will admit now though I enjoyed every bite I am still paying for it days later in water weight gain from all the sodium my body is so unused to). As I stand in the check out line, I have plenty of time to look around as the market is packed. I am in no hurry I have no where to go, no one to spend time with, no kitty at home, just me so why would I want to rush home? My eyes fall upon a man who’s motorcycle I saw parked out front and a huge grin stresses my facial muscles he is holding enough chocolate to make any woman smile, and I wonder if it is for him or her. In one had he is clutching a package of one of my favorite French cookies all dipped in dark chocolate, a canister of one of the best store bought hot cocoa mixes, in the other hand he is holding a package of dark chocolate M&M’s and something I never though I would ever see it was called dark chocolate Stout – wow they make beer out of everything!

I stop at the Blockbuster thinking I would splurge on one more item a movie, but when I show my two free coupons to the cashier and he asks the manager they refuse to accept it as they said there were too many counterfeit coupons out in the public right now. I am crushed and wonder if I can justify renting a movie for a cost so I review the prices and calculate the tax in my head, no way I could get another package of Buffalo Wings, or a gallon and a half of gas for that much, so I will continue to rent my movies from the library for free!

Home and it is time to try to warm up, something I have found nearly impossible the last few days and I worry that though I have fought diligently not to catch what has been going around I may actually have failed – I don’t like the word failure! I snuggle in the chair that until the kitty passed my derriere had not been able to occupy as she took full ownership of it, and relish the taste of the wings with a brownie chaser and tea before heading up to my pre-warmed bed to try and sleep.

It is Tuesday morning my double workout day so I get up at my usual hour, nothing stops this, and commence. Breakfast is the last of the brownies I saved for myself before I gave the rest away to my surrogate family. I have no interest in opening the gifts my family has sent from the east and my surrogate family delivered to me, something just isn’t feeling right this holiday and the thought of opening my gifts all alone one more time is too heavy a weight to bare right now. Instead I decide to head over to a place where others not so like me but still my brethren will be meeting. For the first time in years I have a place to go where there are others who wish to share their stories, good bad and indifferent, first thing in the morning, for me this is the best gift I could possibly be given.

It is too soon when it is time for me to head out again, but the cold and snow predicted have not hit yet and so I chance a ride. I head out toward Lake Sammamish, making it all the way round, then I scoot up toward Juanita and all the way around Lake Washington too just for fun, before heading home with 85 miles on the duc and a chill to the bone in my body. I have seen a huge bald eagle, a woman skipping and hardly any traffic. I try desperately to warm up, riding the stationary bike for 20 minutes hard doesn’t help. So I decide to open my presents and find that not only did my family pay attention my surrogate family did too and all have given in my name to either a charity close to home or the mission I work at! Though there are other gifts to be had all beautiful none is more beautiful then knowing that others much more in need then me will be given something whether, food, clothing or just assistance – thank you!

Now it is time for me to brave the cold. I know it is to rain, maybe even snow, and I am already cold so layer upon layer I don. Two jackets, two layers of long johns, plastic baggies on my feet to keep them drive and hot hands in my mittens (I will find even with all this I am white/blue all over when I get home after 3 hours). I wander around trying to keep myself busy, I truly dread the idea of being home alone one more holiday, and no stores are open today so I just wander for hours. It is not long into my walk that it begins to snow, at first just light flakes but by the time I get home it is accumulating and has become difficult to walk without slipping. I have been walking long enough that I am also covered with a layer of snow, everything is so soaked I must run my outer wear through the dryer.

Home and I think of the song I heard the other day on the radio “All I want for Christmas is a Real Good Tan” by Kenny Chesney, and I smile. I have had Christmas’s in Paris, Austria, other countries and all over the US warm and cold, and I can only hope that someday soon I will be able to spend a holiday with those I love rather then alone, or at least somewhere that I can get a “real good tan.”

December 15-16, 2007

Trust, why is it some trust too easily, some not at all and others just right; I wonder as I help an older woman across the street on Saturday afternoon. I happened to reach the major intersection as she did both of us fighting to stay upright in the wind; she looked up at me and asked if I minded her holding on to me as she crossed the street. I did not pause with my affirmative response, it does not cross my mind until much later that there are many times like this people seem to find me and know that I am one of those who is not very good at knowing when not to trust. This time for sure was the right time, and it put joy in my heart to know that even as I was in excruciating physical pain and emotional distress that I might actually be of help to one in need, no matter how small. I looked back and could see her elegant dress, her well educated speech and hoped that I too might someday be strong enough to go forth on my own no matter my age and fight the winds of life to stand tall.

Saturday, though at times physically and mentally strenuous at times overall was truly joyous. I started my morning off right helping at the mission, doing my best to smile every chance I got at those coming through the line, though not overly busy we had a steady stream from the moment we opened the doors to the end, we fed 249 between 7:30 am and 8:15 am, I am sure my next visit will be much more as it will be the end of the month, and I hope we have enough food.

I am thankful that something told me not to ride this morning, as on my way to the mission I had to pass a drunk driver swerving all over the road, and then as I neared Seattle watch helplessly as the same driver did 360’s around on the freeway having tried to take the curve too fast on this wet morning. My bag with my cell phone was on the floor of the truck and it was far to dangerous for me to reach down to find it, I would have to rely on the other drivers to call it in. If I had been on the motorcycle I am not sure I would have been able to get out of the way.

After the mission, I quickly get home change and start to walk to my second job. I can feel the pain in my leg but I ignore it, if I can’t run then I must walk. I have found once again my elliptical machine is helpful for keeping my cardio up, but not nearly enough for my psyche. I miss the peace of my quiet morning runs, but until I have insurance again I can not push my luck and as such must refrain from my cherished runs. I find too now I must rise even earlier then before so as to get in the same amount of workout a run provides, you see there is no comparative workout for cardio and calorie burn without extra time so my 40 minute runs have become 80 minute cardio on the stationary bike and elliptical, I am not enjoying the silly shows I must tape to watch for 80 minutes now is when I wish I could afford cable!

I get to the shop a little late but I had warned Dave that I would be at the mission this morning and would get there as soon as I could, normally I would have made it in plenty of time but with the pain in my leg I am not moving very fast, as evidenced when I realize at the end of the day my 3 hour walk only took me 7 miles when normally I do about 12. I am grateful for the 7 miles though as it was outside instead of sequestered in my house watching stupid shows and re-runs of Dr Phil. I love being at the shop, especially since I can’t ride too much right now at least I can absorb bike stuff and see bike people!

Sunday and I can’t figure out the weather, so I do my chores as I debate chancing the cold, damp. I keep checking the weather but the temperatures aren’t really dropping so I chance it and head out. I can’t believe it I manage to get in 120 miles before I needed to be home, I was in heaven!

The ride itself was nothing special, well that is until I came up over a hill and saw the mountain! It has been so long since I have seen her I was just stunned, no matter how many times I see her she just seems so incredible! The sky was just dawning a gray blue and she was covered with snow, and that which was not appeared to be deep purples and blues, all I can say is “wow.” I rode down 405 to 5 and took my chances 167 wouldn’t be too far from the warmth, but I knew better then to head up 18. I came back up to 405 and then scooted up 900, again cutting off into the Newport hills area, as I knew 900 would be to close to Tiger and Cougar mountains, thus providing the perfect mix for dangerous riding; wet roads, fog and freezing temperatures.

Swinging down to Lake Sammamish and around, I had plenty of time to do my food shopping and fake and bake (which my pale nw glow needed badly). Soon enough I was home and out the door for my pitiful slow walk. I will have to remind myself not to get upset when people walk slowly across the street, as though I may have looked like a fit 40 something the pain prevented me from walking faster then a fit 80 something. I did have plenty of time to sight see, but this just bummed me out. Normally when I run in the mornings I get to see all the holiday lights, but this year I won’t get that chance. What I do see are housing with displays and lights that I am sure are just beautiful when lit but for me this year I will just have to live off the memories.

And memories are what assault me when I arrive at the park where the skating rink is set up. Families and couples are all skating, and I remember all the times my father took my sister and me, and the time I was adopted by my bosses family to help his kids learn how to skate; fond wonderful memories.

I know better then to go into the mall, my ability to walk is so limited that it would be horrible for me to try to maneuver in crowds. I thank the powers that be for keeping the rain at bay for now, and the temperatures moderate at 40 or so, thus not requiring I enter the mall if nothing else then to warm my bones.

As I make my way home, I think how much the bikes need to be washed and that I haven’t taken the little bike out in almost two weeks, as I have needed the heated gear in the mornings to get to work, perhaps this week I can brave the cold one day just to get her out for a bit, but baths are out of the question unless it really warms up. I enter the house and the pain hits, I want so badly to call out to Bon Nuit and I have to remind myself she is gone. It is so amazing how much I still feel as if she is here, and then again realize how often I feel my grandmother as if she were standing right beside me. I hope that wherever they are, if there is a wherever they know that I love them both dearly and think on them often.

Take care, until next week.

December 8-9, 2007

It is the weekend and I am definitely worse for wear. Between long hours at the office, the loss of my only companion, and my leg becoming such an issue that I can not run; life it taking a toll; I had hoped to ride but the weather too decided it would not cooperate. Saturday dawned and though I am trying desperately not to notice my companion is just a ghost of a memory right now, and am trying to not look for her at every turn, or expect her I feel as if I am fighting an up hill battle.

I am clawing desperately for some reason to hang on and loosing the battle quickly. I force myself from bed, for the first time in my life I do not bound from the bed but drag myself kicking and screaming, forcing my body through its usual steps, chores and to-do’s just to get through each day. It is now I can truly relate to people who become so depressed they say they can not get out of bed, dressed or showered, thank goodness my over-achiever excessively anal willpower overrides the downfall of the bed; how long I can force myself to function will be the true test even for me. I hope that if I can just maintain some semblance of normal routine that I will overcome my loss, like a habit can be learned in 60 days I am trying and counting the days hoping that by 60 days I will be functioning better.

I am lucky today as I have filled my day with to-do’s non-stop including my first day on my second job; yippee the shop has finally decided that I could be of assistance a few hours on the weekend, so though I can not ride because the temperatures are well below freezing at least I can be around bikes and those who love them. First things first, I must stay busy until it is time to go, so I clean, work out and get the first ½ of my long walk in. The pain is excruciating but with out insurance there is nothing I can do but ignore it, thank goodness I have been strong in the past to the point of breaking my own leg and even running until four separate fractures appeared in my heel, I am hoping that what I am feeling is just sore muscles or maybe a ligament but until I have insurance again I will not know for sure, so I self treat as best I can from what I learn on the internet.

Soon enough I am braving the cold to get in a very short ride before going over to Eastside to start my second job! I arrive and once David explains what I am to do I get straight to work. What fun I get to call people and tell them there is a recall on their bike, or to ask them how they liked the service! I love talking to people and faster then you can imagine my 2 hours are up! Thank goodness I need to fill each day with as much stuff as possible to keep me out of the house and my mind off my missing loved one.

Back home and I am out the door again lickety split to get the second half of my walk in before I am to meet my two friends for my first dinner out in over 2 years. I am so excited! The plan was for me to put our names on the list at the Cheesecake Factory, I choose this place not for the food but because I wanted chocolate cake, and they would show up later. I arrived at the mall early, thinking I would watch people frantically shopping, but as I passed the factory I noticed people sitting outside. Outside? I know they have outdoor seating in the summer, but it was barely above freezing, so upon closer inspection I realized that they were outside because there was no room to wait inside, oh no. I pushed and shouldered my way through the huge crowd to get to the hostess, and asked what the wait time was. She actually said 15-30 minutes, I thought to myself “how could she say that with a straight face,” before heading back out to call the couple I was to meet and make other arrangements. Instead of meeting at the mall I explained I would start walking toward Kirkland and they would start driving toward me, we would meet at some point along the way and go to my favorite Teriyaki place. My friend felt really bad as this was to be my belated b’day dinner, but I really didn’t mind any dinner out after over two years without was going to be heavenly even pizza at Costco would have been great!

I had not expected to walk so far today and by the time the couple got to me my leg was beyond painful and I was debating stopping and calling them to tell them I could walk no further, they got to me just in time. Our meal was fabulous in my opinion, great teriyaki and great company what else could someone ask for? But sure enough too soon the time had passed and it was noticed that my sleep disorder had kicked in and I was fading really fast, so back home I went.

Sunday and it is snowing!! Snowing! Why is it snowing? I need a ride so bad I can taste it but with the temperatures at 28 degrees and snow there is no way I am going out on the bikes. I decide instead to go through everything and put together a huge donation for Goodwill; huge being relative if you know me I don’t collect much of anything. I am freezing cold soon enough and decide the idea of attending the usual church service I go to in an unheated gym and sitting on a bleacher was not going to work for me, so instead I try one more time the church my landlords and some friends of mine attend.

I head up with my landlords following behind we all left at the same time. I arrive and sit way in the back upper row as I always do, not wanting to get in the way or take a seat from a paying member. Unfortunately, once again I find the pastor (though different from the last time) less then moving and barely make it an hour into the service before I am quietly out the door. I decide that Pastor Hutch is just too good at what he does and makes all others seem unworthy, if only I could find a temple with such a great orator. I get to the Goodwill and drop off all my stuff. Of course I have to stop in to see if there is anything in my size, replace my most recent broken mug and pick up a ceramic pot to replant a few plants.

I am home in plenty of time to ride the stationary bike long enough to warm up before heading out again for my long walk. I need it if I can’t run or ride, but I know it will be painful at best so I figure at most I will make it 3 hours and not to far, sure enough it is exactly 3 hours and I can feel it for sure. I truly appreciate insurance now, I appreciated it before but even more so now and wonder about those with children who get sick all the time and hurt what do they do? Maybe I should go into politics next…kidding just kidding. I am hoping beyond hope that I can ride this coming weekend but with time at the mission and my second job I am not sure how much I will get in.

Take care!

November 22-25, 2007

It shouldn’t be this cold! I can’t believe it not even 30 degrees, this scares me into staying in longer then I can bare! I cleaned and cleaned and then baked for hours before I couldn’t stand it any longer and headed out for I believe my shortest Thanksgiving ride ever!

I was dearly afraid to go out beyond the Seattle area so I stayed in close and just tootled around downtown wasting time and that I did 2 hours and only 66 miles, ah well at least I got to ride some before I was so cold I couldn’t stand it any longer and had to turn home.

Home and what is a single girl to do it is too cold to sit at home so walk I must and that I do until I am sore, yes I know that is hard to imagine but I did! Some how I managed to stay warm, I think it was just shear willpower and knowing how cold it was in the house and how much I didn’t want to go home to nothing.

Friday; I had to take a no-pay day so that I could uphold my date at the mission with my friend (finally I was able to convince someone to tag along with me). I debate riding in but it is only 28 degrees and I know I have to get my hair done after the mission which means about 800 feet elevation before 9 am and that is just a recipe for ice! So in the truck I go bummed but dealing hoping that being at the mission will cheer my soul.

I arrive in plenty of time to start working, my friend shows up not too long after. We are expecting a good crowd today with the weather this cold and the end of the month. My friend will need breaks to sit but we have a good group on the line, two program guys and me can handle it if we have to.

We begin to banter joking back and forth this lightens my heart even as I try hard to keep up with crowd that pushes forward and the hunger and cold I see in their eyes, soon I will see frost bite injures and cracked bleeding hands but it is too early in the winter season to see it yet.

Before I know it we are done and I am off to get my hair done. At least I will have wasted some time this morning before I will need to walk to stay warm and occupied. I have time to scoot to the market before the hairdresser and am glad I do turkey parts are on sale for .39 a pound that I can afford! So I pick up the cheapie stuff, backs and necks and such, I don’t mind it is turkey and at this price I can afford to get enough for several meals! Yeah I did this last year too maybe I should do this every year. I manage to keep my hopes high even as I think of all the hungry, needless to say their hurt is much worse then my being alone for the third Thanksgiving in a row, but it still hurts.

Saturday, and this time I brave the cold and take the bike. The guys at the shelter are excited to see I am there again, two days in a row and they have gotten used to me. We start to work and I can sense there is something not right with the crowd. It starts with one of the guys on the line with me he is not in a good mood and is dragging everyone down with him, then another program worker comes to get his breakfast and refuses to have the grumpy line worker serve him and an argument erupts. This is not good. The chef tries to calm everyone down and it works for a while but not long enough, an angry man who comes in from the street yells at us his first time through the line, then does something to his tray so he asks for more. We don’t normally give more unless we have enough for seconds but we tell him we can replace his oatmeal, that is when it happens. I had a feeling some day things would blow but man I had no idea! It was just a second and he was across the sneeze guard with the tray screaming, I ran for the back kitchen area not knowing if there would be a weapon involved or if he would jump the counter. I was shaking I was so scared.

It took about six guys to calm everyone down and we got back to business but something still wasn’t right and the crowd continued to be angry and confrontational until we closed down. I chalked it up to the full moon, and end of the month bringing in folks who don’t normally come in.

I had chance to ride a bit not much just about 60 miles before hitting my walk as again it was just too cold to ride too much. During my walk I thought of how much I have and how little others have, and how nice it will be to smell turkey cooking Sunday morning when I have time to make the parts I bought, not caring it is the “throw-aways” for most it is turkey and I can afford it!

My mind is wandering, well not quite I am in overdrive, I can’t ride, well after cleaning – again – and cooking turkey parts, yum the house smells like heaven, I braved the 29 degrees and took the bike to the library. Oh no, I realize as I pull into the parking lot it is a sheet of ice. I inch along with feet floating just above the pavement, drop- off the dvd I had picked up “The Holiday” oh how I wish I could do that! And then turned around straight back home, encountering several patches of ice along the way, no fun.

I figure thought it is a bummer I could not ride much over this four day weekend, I definitely saved money with gas prices upwards of $3.60 a gallon, so the movie I will be seeing in today at the theater will not be such an extravagance and instead will simply be the gas money I didn’t spend this weekend.

I realize I have time to walk at least 2 hours before the movie so I head out bundled up as best I can, to wander the town aimlessly until it is time to meet a friend to see “Enchanted” I can’t wait it is just what I need complete silliness provided by Disney. As I wander I think about the silly email my sister sent recently about children of the 70’s and 80’s, well those of us old enough to remember. How silly we looked with our, bell bottoms and Beattle-esq look to our Cindy Lauper clothes, our love of Holly Hobbies, and Little House on the Prairie, tinged with memories of Sunny and Cher, Donny and Marie and finally Saturday Night Live. Our crushes ranged from Shawn Cassidy to Jay Giles, and goodness forbid we miss General Hospital with Luke and Laura. Reality TV did not yet exist and Oprah was just a blip on our radar screen, Dr Phil didn’t even exist yet. Computer games were just were becoming home items, but if you wanted one you would have to self-program it on your Atari, or use our version of Ninetendo a box you linked to your black and white tv that allowed you to play pong or space invaders. I laugh as I walk not sure if we are better off now or not. I have no idea how we made plans back then to get together, and how we contacted each other when we were running late, or did we just make plans well in advance and late was not an option?

I no longer have a job blackberry or cell phone, this is the first job in over 4 years that I have not been tied to the office 24/7, and honestly it is wonderful. I can actually go home and not work! Well almost I can do some work but it is not as on-call as the afore mentioned would demand. I imagine, how wonderful it was to make plans with someone and they didn’t change because you couldn’t change them last minute as there was no way to get in touch with someone, not showing up was not an option, or calling or texting to cancel five minutes before was a “no way” going back to this time would be good, a time when friends met face to face instead of online, where you met the opposite sex while food shopping, or at work, or just out and about. When background checks and Google’ing someone was non-existent you trusted your friends to introduce you to others, or your siblings, or even your relatives, now it seems this just doesn’t happen, or maybe I am just to old and it does?

Ah I digress, next weekend is the Motorcycle Show and for the first time since 1994 I will not be working it at all I will simply be attending it. Yes I coughed up the $8 to go with a friend, we will drive over so we don’t have to carry all our gear and can enjoy downtown Seattle’s sites after the event, or when I can’t stand being in the crowd. There is a new Monster out but I am not impressed, it has the smaller engine and is a little too flashy for me, but there are several other bikes I wanted to see up close and try to sit on – yes I always dream that someone will make a bike I can sit on, I haven’t found one yet.

Cross your fingers I can ride next Saturday.

November 17-18, 2007

I was going to apologize for not putting out a ride story last week and then I realized that I was too tired to do even that, after working 12+ hours a day and on and off all weekend; not to mention I am practicing not using “sorry” just because that is what women are trained to do. So moving right along, I will tell you I had the most amazing ride on the 11^th, it was just warm enough and clear enough that I managed to get in 220 miles of pure bliss and boy did I need it!

This weekend was a whole different story as was the week. I was wondering how I would manage when the temperatures reached just above freezing and I couldn’t use my heated gear (the Ninja can’t handle it), I definitely found out a couple days last week. The first day hit me like a ton of bricks and I don’t think I have ever gotten to work that fast before. I found a website that informed me at 65 mph and 35 degrees I was feeling 1 degree; needless to say my hands were numb and I walked stairs for about 10 minutes just to get the feeling back in my toes. I have no idea how I will manage the rest of the winter, I will just have to develop a tougher skin then I already have or risk frost-bite.

As the week wore on the temperatures rose a bit and for the most part I was able to somewhat comfortably ride to work, all but Friday when I had to drive in as it was my day to bring the “Friday Goodies.” Saturday comes and the need to bake is overwhelming, forget diet here come the brownies! I did make arrangements to have a friend meet me to get them when I was done, but that wouldn’t stop me from licking the bowl and nabbing a few myself. I was to test out two versions of Hershey’s Kisses I had bought to see which one was better in a brownie Mint Truffle or White Chocolate with Peppermint pieces.

After my workout I got to the baking, and was measuring out the sugar, well kind of I don’t really measure any more it is more dump and pour, when I realized the extra bag I thought was sugar was flour and what I had in the sugar container was not nearly enough! Uh oh now what? Well thank goodness for years of baking experience and a little ingenuity, a small dose of brown sugar and some Karo syrup would have to do, crossing my fingers I put the pan in the oven and finished up my chores while they were baking. Gosh, I don’t think there is a better smell then brownies in the oven, well maybe Toll House Cookies – that is if you can refrain from eating the dough!

I pull the brownies out and realize as I cut into the warm pan that they aren’t really brownies but more like a snack cake texture, oh well taste is what will really matter. I have to say not my best batch but not bad at all considering it was a make do or toss out expensive chocolate. I decided I liked the Truffle better then the Peppermint side, but I would wait to get the consensus from my friends’ family before making a final decision. A quick email off that I had to make do with the ingredients and that my usual ooey gooey chewy brownies (often so moist the only way to keep them in one piece is to keep them in the freezer) were more like moist snack cake, and I was out the door on a ride.

I have to mention when I made arrangements to meet my friend to drop the brownies off, he had implied that my baking would take precedence over riding that day and I had to remind him that probably by the time he woke up and was out of bed I would have worked out, eaten breakfast, baked cookies, done chores and still managed to get in a ride, sure enough by the time I caught up with him at 8 am all the above had been completed!

Dropping the brownies off and I was back home lickety split as today I was to meet my friends’ wife to attend Storybook Theater in Kirkland. I adore the plays as they are only about 90 minutes of pure childish fun, cost as much as a movie $8 so I can budget them in, are within walking distance (well for me anyway) and start at 11 am so perfect timing for my weird schedule. Today’s play was no exception when it came to pure delight the writers and actors came through 100% with a great mixture of childish humor and adult humor so that non-stop laughter filled the audience along with the required feedback of all involved it was just what I needed after several weeks of hard work and the dread of the upcoming “family and loved ones” holidays, ie death of the single person type holidays.

What made the play even more fantastic was the shear joy of my accomplice, I don’t think I had ever heard her laugh that hard or that long it was wonderful. We both agreed we would bombard her husband from both sides to get him to come along to the next performance as we agreed he would truly enjoy it, and how much fun it would be to have him there! A quick jaunt to get her a coffee after the event, and then I was off to finish my nice long walk. Though the rain had been kind enough to stay away on my walk down to the event, the downpour I encounter for about an hour on the way back toward home made me appreciate my forethought to bring along extra protection, which I donned before heading out of the theater. But luck was with me and for the last hour or more of my walk the skies dried up with little patches of sun and I removed the extra layers of protective gear.

As I walked, I thought of the week past and the weeks coming up, I thought of how many times recently I had flash backs to memories of what it was like to have a boyfriend in my life and how wonderful it could be when things were right and how horrible it could be when things were wrong. I think my thoughts were triggered by the bombardment of advertising geared toward jewelry purchases right now for the holidays; you know those sappy love type ads. Ah well, so be it this will be my third Thanksgiving and Christmas in a row alone, again a record I think for even me; no worries I seem to have gotten a little too used to it. Though I have to admit I made up quite a nice ditty using “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” called “I’m Dreaming of a Warm Christmas” with white sand beaches, bikinis and men with tans; hey I can dream can’t I?

Sunday, and my imagination and drive to ride gets the best of me. Though it is cold I check the road temperatures and for the most part it looks good, all above freezing and most temperatures at 40 or just below and holding. I do a little extra cleaning trying to waste time before heading out just to make sure the temperatures don’t drop too much, so I don’t hit the road until about 6:30 or so. I am not too stressed by my late start, I have to be careful with gas prices what they are right now, and with my electric bill sure to go up for the winter months (though I am very careful to keep the temps between 50-55 when I am home), my budget is tight at best.

I start out heading south, and decide to chance 169 as the roads seem pretty good and there is not too much traffic. I am pleased to find that I am correct and the temperatures though only about 36 by the time I swing into Black Diamond, are enough above freezing to prevent any danger for me and the bike. I am so glad to be riding and knowing that all my chores are done so I can stay out as long as I want! The only thing preventing me from truly taking a long ride is the cold and money.

I head all the way out to Buckley, gas up really fast and then head out toward Wilkeson, looping around toward Orting, and then hooking back up with 410 toward Tacoma. What a pleasant ride, only a few cages are out and though they make me somewhat grumpy by not going the speed limit most turn off to head toward local churches so they are not in my way for too long.

I am not yet ready to head home so from 167 I take 18 north back to 169, how much fun to go this way again; I know only too well that soon enough this may not be an option for me as this road is just far enough east and close enough to the lower mountains that freezing fog in the mornings is an issue, so I enjoy ever second of this ride. I nab 405 briefly before hitting 900 east toward Issaquah, swinging through I am still not ready to head home; ah the call of the road it too great. I scoot backroads up to 202 back into Redmond and realize it is best for me to start heading home as I am feeling cold, getting hungry and will need to spend some serious time on the stationary bike before heading out for my walk in order to warm up again.

Only about 125 miles, but shear bliss and heave on the road, just made my walk even better. Though the cold will soon cause my walks to be difficult and I will have to do everything I can not too loose my fingers, for now the 40 degrees I can manage with hot hands smooshed in my mittens and layers covering my core.

Monday, and though I have to give a testimony over the phone today I am so happy to not have had to work all weekend, and to have managed to just do what I love ride, walk, visit with friends and see a great play, that nothing will bring me down – scare me yes but not bring me down. Scare me? Yep that is what I said. We have a local owl, I have not figured out what kind it is as I only see it in the dark, normally he/she just flies around or I can hear it, today as I headed out for my run it decided I was in its space and buzzed me three times! I didn’t realize owls did that! Let’s just say this is no little bird and when an owl flies menacingly at your head three times you begin to wonder if the next time will be a direct hit. Actually, part of me thought it might be kind of silly when I tried to explain to my boss why I was late – attacked by an owl, or the judge I was supposed to give testimony too; but really it was a little freaky. I wondered as I ran down my street if when I got home it would still be there, but it was not and I was actually glad.

With the Thanksgiving holiday coming up I hope to get in a decent ride, though Friday and Saturday I will not be able to as I will be at the mission while others are spending money shopping. Part of me wishes I too had money to spend, but the other part of me would rather be at the shelter working; typical of me torn by what I want and nor shall the two meet.

November 2-3, 2007

Oh my goodness it is November! How could it be November? There was no summer, or so it seems, I know I have been saying that all through October too; ah well on to winter we go. Sure enough I had to drive to work on Friday as the temperatures were below freezing and the Ninja can’t power the heated gear, I am not sure how I will manage this winter, but I will soon find out.

Work has become even more busy if that is possible, and with a deadline looming working at home is now a must. Why oh why did the weather have to be so nice this weekend? I woke on Saturday knowing not only did I need to get some work done I had a meeting to get to and errands to run and I still wanted to ride! Some how I managed it all, sometimes even I amaze myself! The only thing I didn’t fit in was baking which is probably for the best, this old girl needs to watch everything she puts in her mouth now-a-days, thank goodness I can at least sit on my ball!

Though only in the 40’s in the surrounding areas, I was geared up and ready to go before 6 am! I had just a few hours to ride but I was going to take full advantage of it even if it was only highway riding. The skies were dark and the weather uncertain but with my metal steed beneath me who cared!

I rode south, this is becoming a pretty standard ride for me, and I am sure I will be bored silly of it by the end of the winter, but the temperatures south were ever so slightly warmer then north. Down I-405 I think back on the week and how much fun I am having at work, and how wonderful all the challenges are. I have found a job that is pushing me out of my box and forcing me to learn even more about sales, tracking and Excel (gosh I didn’t even know that was possible). I love running the office, doing supplies, kitchen stuff, and planning the goodies. I only wish I had more time right now to get everything done, but I am sure it will all fall into place soon enough.

There is a lot of traffic this morning I am not sure why, not dead stop but just a lot of cars out and about. I manage to make it to Tacoma in good time and scoot over to 167 to start north. For the first time I notice the parking lot of one of the Casino’s is packed and I shudder, it is about 7 am and the parking lot is packed! What could people possibly be doing in a Casino at 7 am, gambling of course, I just can’t even imagine; ah well to each his own. I tempt fate and decide to hook onto 18 pretty sure that it hasn’t snowed in a while, I get lucky and though I can feel the temperatures dropping it is not too foggy and there is no snow.

As the skies lighten I notice the colorful trees are no more, the leaves have fallen and the gray of winter in the PNW is settling in for the long haul. I will definitely need to fake and bake today, for my sanity. I need gas and scoot east to North Bend, where I look quickly at my watch and realize no time for backroads, which bums me terribly but I promise to ride long tomorrow. Straight down I-90 my mind starts to wander to politics, and will continue to do so the more I hear on the news about the group of people who have been fined 11 million for petitioning at funerals of fallen soldiers.

Why should I be so torn up but this story? Normally I wouldn’t be so torn in my opinion, except several times since I started my own blog I have been asked to change or remove something or have been flamed for something I have written; thus my dilemma. Is my blog freedom of speech? Or not? There is no legal precedence yet for bloggers, though there are various lawsuits out there. But what I wonder is at what point is our freedom of speech so offensive to others that it should be taken from us? Why are these people being fined but others not for seemingly similar displays of hatred? Why do we control some people but not others? Why is it ok for one group to petition and another not? I do not agree with what this particular group says or petitions for but by removing their freedom of speech are we potentially setting a precedence for lawyers to decide what is ok for us to say or not to say? To petition or not petition? I don’t know that I will ever come to terms with this case in my heart; so be it.

I ride on to my meeting, with a song in my heart, grateful to not carry the hatred some do toward others. Grateful for all that I have and all those I know, and that all my family and friends are healthy.

Sunday and it is almost 50 degrees, wow! Thank goodness we had to change the time so my system is completely out of whack and I am wide awake at 1 am! Plenty of time to do work, clean the house, workout and still ride and run errands! I am out the door before 6 am heading due north, after checking the road temperatures I find I am in the clear all the way to Canada.

I am so happy the sun will be up before I know it, or I should say the gray of winter will dawn. Instead of staying on the freeway, in Everett I shoot over to Route 2 and hook up with Route 9. I had been afraid I would not be able after last weekend to come this way any time soon but with our temperatures as warm as they are I figure I am good to go, even with the normal 10 degree drop when the sun comes up.

I am so happy to be on 9 heading backwards (so to speak). It is amazing to me every time I turn a route around how different everything looks, not to mention with the leaves off the trees I can see so much more! I am in awe of the farm homes, the animals and the landscape from this direction, it is almost as if I am on a road I have never been on. I start to dream of my next ride, luckily I have little or no planning to do as I know what it is! Not telling so don’t ask (fyi those who know please respect this).

I am so thrilled to have hours to ride I am in heaven, my only constraints are some errands I need to take care of before my walk and I wanted to try and wash the bikes. I encounter a few cars near Mount Baker, though I can’t see it I can feel it. The temperatures have dropped significantly this close to the mountain and with the sunrise (well the gray rise). I am lucky and they pull over in to a gas station leaving me with wide open roads almost all the way to the cut off for Sumas, then my luck runs out and I am stuck behind a foolish Subaru (yes we all know how much I love Subaru’s-NOT).

I make it to Bellingham in good time and then hit the freeway south to get home lickety split, since just outside Sumas I noticed my left glove lost heat and I am not sure how far I can ride with my Raynauds and no heat in my glove! I start to feel the pain just outside Bellingham but there is nothing I can do, I had not thought to throw my extra gloves in the sack as these had just been repaired earlier this year! I am getting quite aggravated with how often I have to send them back for repairs and my jacket too. Luckily I have two of everything but I am starting to think I might need three of everything at this rate.

I did manage to run my errands on the bike. The temperatures rose to over 50 as I got further south and though I never thought I would warm up I needed to get stuff done and the truck just eats much too much gas. Needless to say the bikes did not get washed, I could not bare the thought of cold water wetting my already frozen body.

Unfortunately, I completely messed up when it came to my walk. On Saturday it was so warm I was really bummed I was not wearing my shorts, so today for my walk I set out with my shorts, completely oblivious to the time difference which meant when I left my house it was one temperature but for sure when I returned it would be much colder. By the time I returned home after over three hours of walking I never thought I would be warm again! I tried everything from hot shower to multiple layers to wrapping myself in the electric blanket but this is my winter cold and nothing will help but time, and time is what it took not until Monday morning after a long run and another hot shower did I finally warm up.

The weather is to be nasty this coming weekend, but I will hope for the best.

October 27-28, 2007

Can I be this happy? Is it even allowed? It has been so long since I felt this much joy and lack of stress that I wonder if I am truly feeling it. I still have stress when it comes to money, lack of pay coming in steadily and in a good amount for over three months means debt, a word I am not truly familiar with as I don’t believe in it, but circumstances were such that I had no choice. But even with this “four” letter word nagging at the back of my mind the glorious colors of fall and the sun shining down make even this nagging seem trivial.

I have more then enough work to do at my job to fill a 10-11 hour day, just the way I like it. Though the weather is turning unbearable cold, the smell in my apartment is finally gone which means I don’t have to leave the windows open (thank goodness last week there were days we started at 34 degrees!), and now I can concentrate a little more on my household chores and friendships I have been neglecting while the riding was good.

Saturday, and there will be no riding, well other then to the meeting and home. I must get the truck to the tire place to have studs put on, so there goes any opportunity to ride, though at temperatures not even at freezing in most areas this is probably for the best. As usual even without the ride I am my go go go self, so by 8:00 am I have worked out, cleaned the house from top to bottom, balanced my checkbook, paid my bills, had studs put on the truck, gone food shopping and swapped the truck for the bike (legally you are not allowed to drive with studs until Nov 1^st) and gotten to my meeting! Gosh, there are times when even I can’t figure out how I get it all done! I think I just have been doing it so long that it is all second nature to me and I have such methods and schedules in place that it all works.

I more then happy to get walking, though very cold the sun is shining and the colors on the trees is heavenly. I wear numerous layers and stuff hot hands into my gloves knowing that soon enough the layers will be removed one by one. I do dream of warm temperatures and long for my shorts but it is not to be. As I crest one of the higher hills on my walk I look due north and there it is Mt Baker, very different then Rainier but gorgeous just the same, and that is when it truly hits me winter is here; the snow level on the mountain is so low I know Route 9 is most likely off limits any further north then Mt Vernon, unless the temperatures rise significantly. If only I could afford to ski perhaps this sight would bring me more joy instead it just means I am stuck for sure on this side of the mountains until spring.

When my walk is all done and I am growing tired, I am re-energized by sweeping the leaves off my deck and walk way. I ask my landlord who is washing her car if her husband could leave me a rake and the barrel so I can clean the leaves up when they are at church, she says she will do it, and I beg for her to let me, explaining I adore yard work. I am sure she thinks me weird but I truly love to work in the yard outside getting dirty and long for a day when I can have a vegetable garden and flowers again.

Sunday morning and I am not only thrilled to be able to ride, even if it is just above freezing so I can’t go far, but also to find the rake and barrel outside the side door. I bundle up as best I can, first not only getting in a hard work out but riding the stationary bike for a hard 25 minutes to warm up before heading out (this is just enough to raise my heart rate, but not nearly enough to break a sweat for that I would have to ride for well over 30 minutes really hard).

I know I can’t go far I am to meet a friend to learn some new knitting techniques, and it is really cold and foggy so I figure keeping off the freeway is my best option to keep my speeds down thus reducing the wind chill effect.

It is dark as always when I start, so I scoot up through Kirkland into Juanita and finally up through Bothell. Not really seeing much of anything it is too dark, just enjoying the feel of my bike beneath me and the road passing by on this quiet brisk fall Sunday morning. Dreaming of warm cookies and muffins but knowing I don’t have time to do that with the ride, raking leaves, walking and meeting my friend, probably for the best as I need to watch my figure now that I am growing old enough the metabolism has completely changed.

I debate which way to go at several points and manage to make it to Maltby, then take a back road up through the little town, all alone just me and the road. The dawn is slowly rising and the mountains are highlighted in deep blues and purples. Oh how I wish I had more time today, but I am learning slowly to step out of my routines and try new things, or take up old hobbies so I am less one-track, and back to my multi-faceted self of years gone by. I meander into Issaquah, glancing at the clock on my tank bag the sun is up now and I can sense though it will not get nearly as warm as yesterday it will be just as gorgeous.

I stop by the grocery store so that won’t weigh heavy on my mind while I am visiting with my friend, and still make it home in time to rake the leaves from my driveway and my landlords, before getting the first half of my walk before meeting my friend. I can see her ahead of me but I don’t want to shout so I follow her into the Starbucks, it has been almost three months since we last got together and I am so happy to see her.

As we sit and chat about life, forgetting to start the knitting I am amazed at how much we need to catch up on. Soon enough we both realize we could walk and talk so it is best to get to the knitting. Just then a couple sits down next to us, they could have picked any where else, but no they squeeze in next to us at a table meant for two, with there two screaming kicking kids in tow! Ok, note to self thank goodness I don’t have kids. Finally, much too long in my opinion they realize the kids are not going to quiet down and leave, but by then I have given them a number of looks as it was completely uncalled for for them to force us to move our table and chairs so they could put four at a table made for two and then have their kids behave so horribly. Yes, judging, no not feeling guilty, I believe if your kids are screaming in a restaurant, other then McD’s or Chunky Cheese you should go elsewhere or not bring them along. Do not email me your opinion, if you like kids screaming in your ear, that is your prerogative.

We mess with the knitting for a bit, I am feeling much better about the whole thing and the new stitches by the time we realize it is too gorgeous to be inside any longer so off we go for a short walk. It is so nice to have someone to walk with, this too has been months. I wish others realized the benefits of walking and would join me, but seems more and more people think sitting around is better, ah well.

Time passes too quickly and we part, I am fading fast, between the two days of raking, riding in the freezing cold and all the other stuff I have been up to, I know I will sleep well tonight. I meander home on my walk taking a picture of our neighborhood pony and enjoying too much the sun shining down and the incredible reds, golds and yellows. When I arrive home I must walk over the easement part of our drive way and decide that my neighbor must be away. I want to use his green bin to pick up his leaves but I am nervous I know he is a very private man, so instead I start raking them into a pile hoping he will not mind too much. I was only a little bit in when he came out of his house, I was embarrassed trying to explain how much I loved to rake and do garden work, and that I wanted to use his green bin but didn’t know if he would mind.

He laughed and said anytime I wanted to rake his yard to go ahead and use his bin. It was tons of fun to have him helping me, it is nice to work together on a project when you both enjoy being out side as much as we do. I did feel bad though he seemed to want to talk much more but I was so tired I didn’t think I would be able to put two words together intelligently enough to converse, so when we had filled the green bin to overflowing, I said good night and sequestered myself in the house for the night.

Overall an incredibly wonderful weekend for one with so little riding only 100 or so miles on Sunday and only 40 on Saturday, perhaps this coming weekend I will get in more.

October 20-21, 2007

I can smell the rain, I can feel the chill, the colors of fall lay on the ground all around me as I run, winter is fast approaching. This week had it’s ups and downs, starting out with another slap in the face about how far human kindness has disintegrated, in my opinion. I was out on my walk in the pouring rain, snuggled in my business trench coat trying hard not to completely soak my nylons; when I noticed a man desperately trying to push his car through a major intersection.

At first it took me a second to figure out what he was doing as his flashers were not on, but then I saw him frantically waving people around the dead vehicle, I ran out into the street to help. This poor man’s car had stopped during the lunch hour at an intersection with no less then 6 lanes of traffic in each direction! Luckily he was facing down a slight incline and was driving a two door Audio, I don’t know if I would have been any help at all if it was anything bigger. So there I stood/pushed in the pouring rain completely disregarding the fact that my nylons would most likely be ruined, my dry-clean only skirt sprayed with mud and water, just concentrating on helping the poor soul get out of the way before he got hit.

So where does the complete disregard for others and disintegration of human kindness come in? Imagine the scene I just described, keeping in mind this is the noon hour and the intersection is packed, now picture one 100lb girl helping one not so large male push a full size car through an intersection big enough for six lanes of traffic, holding up the traffic and not one person getting out of their car to help! I haven’t even mentioned the man standing in place jogging watching the whole thing waiting for the light to change so he could continue on his run!

I am trying to practice my new mantra “do not judge” but I honestly can not believe that every person in all 30 plus vehicles watching this ridiculous scene were disabled, or physically unable in some way to help, or in such a hurry to get somewhere that they could not offer what amounted to maybe 60 seconds of time! As I continue on my walk I try not to let the anger and disgust build but it is running through my head like water unleashed from a dam, so I call a friend to lament and just get a “uh-huh.” I suppose this is the correct answer as I am trying not to judge and he knows this so if he agrees in any way it would justify my judgments and disgust, ok deep breaths enjoy the fall colors and move on.

As the week continues I am hard at work enjoying every minute and finding more and more ways to save the company money, report better on sales and do HR stuff, what more could a girl dream of –PAY!! Oh my goodness! I know they say money can’t buy happiness but it can buy joy in the form of financial stress relief. When I was handed my pay stub on Friday I don’t think I have ever been so excited about a pay check in all my life! It meant I would be able to pay my rent, bills and eat! Now just to pay down the excessive debt I developed while working for less then I should have and then being unemployed for three weeks.

Saturday and there was no time to ride, I had other priorities, primarily the fact that on Thursday our first major storm hit knocking down trees, knocking out power including the office park I work at, and dumping leaves and debris all over the roads, as well as hail. So when Saturday dawned with the prospect for more hail looming I was not keen on the idea of riding to the mission, out came the truck.

Driving to the mission is much easier and warmer but not nearly the fun. I knew I would be alone today on the line what I was not prepared for was short staff of program guys too, and running out of food. I suppose I am naïve in that I believe we will have enough to serve everyone, and technically we did, but the product we served was not constant. When I first arrived because we were short-staffed I set up much more then normal with the help of one of the program guys. We knew it would be rough this morning with the cold temperatures, rain and end of the month looming.

I was surprised how many program men came down to eat, but with the offer of omelets, sausage and oatmeal it was hard to pass up, so drag themselves from bed they did. As soon as they were done we opened the doors to those on the street and within the first hour we had fed close to 250 and were quickly running out of food. People were trying to sneak back on the line and because we were so short staffed and working so hard it was difficult for me to catch two-timers, but I tried. This would be the first time I would truly appreciate the wall between me and the clients, when I told one man we could not serve him again there was barely enough to serve everyone once and asked him to leave the line, then he caught me miss another second timer and decided he would verbally let me have it in no uncertain terms. Unfortunately for me he took advantage of my being all alone on the line, and the on-floor program workers thin numbers to truly go at me. I was shocked and tried desperately to get someone’s attention as he lurched across the counter pointing and yelling that he was not good enough what made him any different then the other man I had just served. I was exhausted and shocked, trying desperately to explain to him I didn’t mean to serve the other man I had made a mistake but it was too late to correct it, all the while trying to get someone to help me.

Finally, one of the guys on the floor realized what was going on and came to my rescue but by then I was shaking, frightened and hurt. I didn’t mean to serve someone twice but with my head down simply trying to keep on top of the service I had missed someone. It was about this time we ran out of everything but cold cereal, and my heart was breaking. It was so cold and wet outside and all we could serve was cold granola to people who this might be their only meal of the day.

As I worked I had been watching those coming in, with my first pay check arriving the other day I was only too aware of the dire straits I could have